


Krazy Kravitz's Stunt Spectacular

by DDDragoni



Series: Tacos on Siesta [3]
Category: Blaseball (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Unlimited Tacos (Blaseball Team)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:34:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29327871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DDDragoni/pseuds/DDDragoni
Summary: With the Grand Siesta underway, Vito Kravitz hatches a plan to keep the fans entertained- and more importantly, keep himself in the spotlight.
Series: Tacos on Siesta [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2025218
Kudos: 6





	Krazy Kravitz's Stunt Spectacular

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Sexton Wheerer stared up at the rickety wooden tower in the center of the Al Pastor Memorial Stadium. Atop the structure, teetering slightly back and forth with the wind, Peanut Bong sat in a shopping cart, adjusting a pair of oversized goggles on his face as he stared at the uneven ramp stretching out before him.

At the base of the ramp, Vito Kravitz looked up from the camera he was adjusting. “Of course it’s a good idea! Do you have any idea how many views this is going to get? Without any blaseball games going, people are STARVING for something to watch, and I intend to provide!” He spread his arms wide, accidentally knocking over the tripod he’d spent the last five minutes setting up. “Supply and Dema- oh crap” Sexton sighed as the skeleton rushed to fix his mistake. “I guess that makes sense. But what I don’t get...” He turned towards Tacos team captain McDowell Mason, who was assembling a makeshift wall out of cinderblocks two dozen feet from the base of the ramp. “Is how they roped you of all people into this.” McDowell paused, raising one hairy thumb in Sexton’s direction before getting back to his task.

The centaur sighed. "Well, I can already tell I'm not gonna be able to talk you out of this, and I'm running late for my physical therapy appointment. So whatever happens here? Not my fault." He lifted an arm in goodbye as he trotted out of the stadium.

* * *

"This is gonna be huge, just you wait!" Vito hollered after the departing centaur. He craned his vertebrae towards the top of the tower and shouted “You ready up there?” Peanut lifted both his arms and gave a brief shout of excitement before resteadying himself. “Alright then!” Gingerly pressing the record button, Vito lept in front of the camera with a characteristic flourish. "Hey there, Los Angelinis! This is your favorite Blaseballer, Vito Kravitz, with a special treat for you all!” He stepped forward and tilted the camera up slightly, bringing a blurry and out of focus Peanut into view. "The one and only Peanut Bong, former scion of the Shelled One, in a death defying stunt spectacular!" Peanut shifted uncomfortably at the mention of the cruel god that had changed the course of his life, but Vito was too intent on his speech to notice. 

“He sits now atop the Tower of Fate, with nothing but his courage between him and a long fall!” Vito bent down and picked up a card with a garish logo on it, holding it in front of the camera lens. “This presentation is sponsored by Krazy Kravitz’s Used Automobile Emporium, the best place in the Immaterial Plane to get yourself the perfect vehicle for you. Now with locations in Boston and Los Angeli.” He set the card aside and moved behind the camera, pointing it towards the cinderblock wall. “Alright, let’s go!”

Peanut pushed off the flimsy rail at the top of the ramp, the shopping cart inching forward at first but rapidly picking up speed as it rattled its way down the ramp. Jolting side to side, he held the sides of the cart with a white-knuckle grip, somehow managing to maintain course as he approached the bottom, faster and faster, bracing himself for the jump-

When suddenly, McDowell reached out and plucked the pitcher from the speeding cart just as it launched itself into the air. Vito’s jaw dropped, and he advanced towards McDowell, knocking the camera over again without noticing “What the hell, man? I had a perfect shot!”

Still holding Peanut aloft, McDowell wordlessly reached out with his other arm and pointed to the shopping cart as it cleared the wall of cinder blocks, sailing through the air with all the grace of a breaching dolphin- until it landed, the back right wheel clipping the edge of first base, sending the cart tumbling wildly out of control, careening off of Vito’s car before it tumbled down the dugout stairs and promptly burst into flame.

“...oh.” Peanut hung limply in McDowell’s grasp for a moment before the captain set him down gently in the grass. McDowell lumbered over to where Vito was standing, slack jawed, and stood in front of him for a moment.

“Be more careful with the new guy,” he grumbled, before turning and walking towards the exit.

“Whoa whoa, hold on, you knew that was going to happen? Why didn’t you say something?”

"I tell you not to do something, you do it when I'm not around. I show you why not to do something, you learn. You don't do it again." McDowell took a few more steps toward the exit, then stopped again and looked back. “Oh, and you’re cleaning all this up. Come on, Bong” With the pitcher following behind him, McDowell lumbered out of the stadium, leaving a protesting Vito behind with the cinderblock wall, the flaming cart wreckage, and the rickety wooden tower.

Which promptly collapsed.


End file.
